Wednesday, April 30, 2003
i'm so upset =\ firstly todae aft sch i went out and everything, but that's not important. yeah. anyway i borrowed the book Chinese Cinderella from jocelyn. it's really moving and blahblahblah. u all should go read it if u haven't already =\ i cried buckets of tears while reading that. anyway, so i like my bed =\ cos it's the place i go to feel upset about something, a place i go when i need to think, a place where i can usually enjoy some peace and quiet. sometimes i'm at the computer though. =\ yeah. so anywae, i was reading the book, enjoying the peace, and kinda just thinking abt it. then my younger sis just deCIDEs to come in and it's like and she starts raiding my table for pens, pencils, scissors. and my whole bed is shaking. then she starts singing in her horrible squeaky voice. loudly. so it's like, i tel her to keep quiet. but she sings louder and climbs all over the place. now i realise that when she opened that door, my moments of solitude simply slipped awae. sometimes i wish i had my own room, even if it was a super tiny bedroom. or sometimes i wish my younger sister wasn't born at all. i noe we're supposed to luv our siblings and everything, but i really cannot take it. she's like such a disgrace and everything. she's even more perverted than girls of my age. and she flirts with guys man. i hate people who flirt, guys or girls. no damned sense of shame =\
i really really wished that i never told my blog URL to so many people. i just can't talk about the people whom i noe have my blog URL in my blog. as in, how i feel about them or what they did kind of thing =\ it would b so awkward. writing this kinda thing kinda makes me feel better. =P i was never a person who could express his/her feelings well. maybe i should create a private blog =\ hahahah ! =\ u all will nvr noe what i think of u all *evil grin* =\
yeah then today everyone seemed so mad at each other =( first it was ca. ca was pissed at everyone and everything cos i think he's really stressed out by something. one day he's just gonna burst and u'll find little bits of exploded ca all over the place. anyway, he was real mad and wasyelling and shoutings and hurling vulgarities and everyone. then most of us know that the only way not to add oil and vinegar to the situation is to kinda like keep quiet.. or simply being a little more tolerant. but fire spreads fast and soon wayteng was really angry too. so both of them were shouting and yelling and throwing stuff. and cutting themselves. then yan ping and mee lin had insults thrown at them like sharp stones and the fire caught on. i don't understand. this whole thing is maddenning. it kinda affects my mood too =\ then i triiieeeeeedd to talk to wayteng, but she seemed really mad and didn't wanna talk to me =\ i think i'm v irritating. =\ i do the wrong things and say the wrong words at the wrong time. then denise and elizabeth were also kinda in a bad mood. they were shouting at each other. the were mostly talking about stardee problems. projects. homework. where did my happy childhood daes go to o___o
today this poor woman came to our sch. poor as in ke lian =\ she told us her story:
she came from a broken family, her parents divorced, they didn't give a damn about her. her dad went out and got another woman and so she was left with a void in her heart -- because she didn't have love. she met a group of friends, whom she thought were great and cared for her. she got a boyfriend, whom easily bought her over with gifts, hugs and caresses. she was happy, she thought she found love. eventually, she moved in his house, and she wound up pregnant. she forced her unwilling boyfriend to marry her, all at the age of 17. after giving birth to a boy, she became fat. her boyfriend despised her and had an affair. after being beat up by her husband after confronting about his affair, they divorced. desperate for happiness, she turned to money. she didn't complete her education and she wasn't able to find a good job. she found work at the nightclub. many guys would harrass her, asking for more than she would give. but she earned alot of money, but still no happiness. what was missing ?
however, one day, one of her regulars came to her house in the middle of the night, claiming he had to use the bathroom urgently. but while she was trying to help him, he strangled her, stabbed her, poured boiling water all over her face. she had to go through many operations just to survive, and many operations in an attempt to make herself look better. however, she simply looks deformed. she was devastated, and when her child told her that "u're not my mummie !! my mummie is not so ugly!" she seemed to have no hope left. her world was falling apart. then something came into her life.
her nurse shared with her christ, and how he looks at people's hearts, not their appearances. they prayed, and she joined a church. now she is happy to live, and probably treasures her life much more than most of us do. now her son, also grown up, has learnt how to be proud of his mother. though she lost her looks, she goes to many places to share with them her life story of 35 years.
i think that the woman was very touching. i can't believe how many people want to kill themselves just because of small things, and yet she can love life after such an ordeal !


|deborah| 11:27 PM|

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